To A Broken Person…

Somedays you think of life, think of what you are ,what everything around you  is ,

 and the six coffee mugs one after the other, 

the chair of  laziness that just doesn’t let you go, you are awake till middle of the nights and you pretend to be busy but you too know you aren’t this lazy, 

 and you are angry because they aren’t   accepting  you to be crazy,

when will you realise you are running away from nobody  but yourself, 

that fifteen hour playlist that is unending, 

look into your eyes from whom are you hiding ,what exactly are you  seeking, 

you know you should be grateful, but you are too broken to be grateful ,

 you are tired and frustrated and you don’t know why you randomly get irritated, 

so high then suddenly so low where are these mood swings leading to ,

 anxiety has polluted the heart, too bored to create another work of art, 

they call it symptoms of depression and recommend you medication but no medicine has ever healed a broken heart and then you say poetry works best for you,

  you dress so well and try your best to show that you are better than the rest and then streets of approval and judgments just gets open as you walk through hallways, there are eyes staring at you with amaze and an unexplainable expression, 

you are too confused  and irritated and you stare at your watch all day long for when you’ll be home and close the doors and cry letting out all your emotions,

 cut throat competition for words of appreciation,

 and everyday the hardest question to answer becomes how are you and you lied because according to them its not okay to be not okay,

  you never knew that you are becoming a better liar as days slip through your hands,

those hands and wrist full of cuts and burns whom are you giving pain to have you forgotten? 

 Love and fame and you are bored again and you expect everyday to be different from the other but you see its all the same as you have done and known already, 

waiting for that perfect partner you forgot love is not be found it is to be felt never but now,

 you hate the rythm stuck in your head waiting for you to burn another cigarette ,

and through smoke you sigh because they’ll label you weak if you cry, 

and you have understood chemistry well enough to know that alcohol is  a solution,  

look your heart is house of fears ,your dreams and excitement all got burried in your body which seems to be grave to a sassy you of yesterday ,

you still are the bravest person on earth until its night and truth unleashes, 

ask for life but not acceptence screams your heart,

you wish you could explain how broken you are at heart ,no you dont need words of sympathy because amazingly its all fake coz it seems like there exists no empathy,

 some nights after crying you experience an emotion that’s the true pleasure to your broken heart,

and you wake up and cycle repeats, its like an endless well you fell into and it gets darker and darker as it gets deeper and deeper,

if your feelings could be written into a book, you would bet it would be a bestseller, because you know people love to laugh at others sorrow or maybe it gives them peace to see reflection of their own, 

you sit with the blades on some nights and wonder if death was better than life and you make another cut which brings you in middle of death and life,and this is what you call your night life, 

and one fine morning that doesn’t come so often you wake up with determination and try to fix the problem, but then you realise that you have no idea what is exactly the problem,

emptiness, loneliness, depression or sadness, you have googled a zillion times to come out of it and  to know what’s the actual problem ,

you are tired of guessing -meditation, books,  diet, friends or yoga what might be the solution? 

it seems you are sinking into a deep blue sea even when you know how to swim, you are still sinking , you are breathless and restless and still in silence, and you sink and you sink and you wait for the moment you’ll take your last breath,

and when someone says you aren’t sad and questions your broken state, you could debate like the highest of lawyers to protect that what causes you suffering,   but silence is your answer, 

overwork is your escape and often it prevents you from making those selfhate mistakes,

its like a phase and you know it will pass,

but you wonder where those dreams to run to the moon flew away, to be that buisness tycoon disappeard,

you wish you could tell your story so you write some poetry but as you write your tears drip and fall on paper and its all messed up and wet and you have some pieces of art under your bed, and under those ashtrays and many other places but they are never read,

it seems you have fallen and gotten up and tried too many times, and somedays I wonder how can a person be as brave as you are and you survive through everyday,

so until these dark clouds pass as you know they will, countinue with courage and that nerve of steel, and you know that  someday sun will rise  and you know it will be as good as magic and it will happen coz they say magic happens to those who believe,

even if you know you have a very less hope to be saved remember death can never be a solution ,  keep guessing what is the solution and keep on trying but still smile sometimes until its all done,  because you know there’s a kind of beauty even in pain and pleasure could never serve you as well as pain …. 

I had dressed to decieve but….

Look here I wiped my tears, I woke up again from hate and despair,

I decided to dress to decieve ,  so that I don’t reveal the pain and greif, 

I showered with the scent of jasmine, I wiped myself with the cream,

I attired myself in the full sleeve dress so the beauty of cuts I made on my wrist and the lines made on my soft skin from that sharp knife don’t get revealed,

I put the mascara to hide those puffed eyes, which are desperate to tell that I cried all night,

I thought of how I am  gonna do my hair, which reminded me of those rough hands which played with my hair ,

I wish I could take a time machine and live that moment again and so I did, I bit my lips again to stop my tears  and I rushed down the stairs to seek my time machine, I opened the cupboard and sat by the sofa with that big album, my time machine,

I saw you smiling at the very first page and for the zillionth time my heart broke in grief,

you captured my heart which was a fire and kind of art but you droped it so hard that my whole world was burnt,

I remembered I was covering myself with a coat of “Im okay” and I headed to the dressing table, 

I stared at the mirror, like you my eyes also fascinate me somedays, when I look deep into them I see my whole world and amazingly all I see is you, 

I caked on the makeup and rushed towards the kitchen and I poured the wine in the glass and I felt  like I had lost my last breath with the just a glass, 

it looked like the sky was in pain too,  when I saw the black clouds covering the sun’s face,

the forecast was wrong and the strom of grief  was about to come, I wish I had doubted not the forecast but also you and promises you made randomly out of the blue,

I stepped out of the house and same as all the days I wore a fake smile on my face and it begun to rain and I was cleansed from bottom to the top and to the greatest depths of my heart, and corpse in my body then got burnt, 

my emotions went numb and I was scattered into infinite pieces like never before, my broken pieces got revealed, the heart so stabbed was freezed as hard as steel, 

I wish that we would have never met, I wish the destiny should have not knit this story of threat I got the love I always wished for, I wish I had wished for it to last, 

but then I smiled in pain , I was happy not because I was betrayed because before the betrayal I  was loved, I loved the most beautiful lie, the most attractive illusion the destiny had presented infront of me,

I loved from all my heart, I gave it all I had and   I loved like the fire in stars no matter how beautiful it looks you’ll never be worthy of touching it, I felt like the storm trapped in  a rain drop and so I cried out my heart, 

from head to toe  I felt so healed,silence was my loudest scream,   I felt its okay to cry sometimes, doesn’t the sky do the same and we call it rain,

You see I had dressed to decieve the world so well,  but the rain revealed me and this is me for forever, beautiful and healed .…

I won’t tell you to get up…

Somewhere maybe I m still with you,

I know you don’t realize, the words that criticize will disappear,

I know you don’t have arms you can run into and cry out all the pain,

I know you crave for a hug that comforts all the pain ,

I know you close the doors and weep, so loud you scream in your head, it aches in each bit of your flesh,

I know you have been strong for long and pretended to be happy since forever,

and once more like everyone says I won’t tell you to get up quickly again when you fall,

I suggest you to stay there, feel the pain, accept it coz not everything will  always be alright, coz the life needs to get divided into day and night, 

I know long you have fought and again and again you were hurt, your heart was burnt but still you survived, for this reason give some place to  pride,

let tears flow down through those cheeks, whose dimples made me think of world’s sweetest things,

scream when alone, cry it out coz when tears get revealed they’ll laugh with a feel of  excite,

I won’t tell you to smile back and that someday it will be okay, coz honesty I don’t know when is that day,

just stay there fallen until your tears dry and the morning gives you strength to awake and walk again with courage knowing that you’ll fall again,

I know that your  heart was not broken it was burnt, but trust me someday you’ll know the value of the lessons you have learnt,

I know I m not there to hold your hand and pull you up and hug you tight and lie to you that its gonna be alright,

you have no idea what is the power of your smile, but just look into the mirror when your eyes are full of tears and then  show  some courage and smile you’ll know the reason why I tell that your smile can end the wars and convert stone of sadness into happinness like gold,

suffocation in the emptiness of air, loneliness in grief and despair, these are darker shades of life I know you had never seen,

you get up and you fall, and again it repeats and repeats and every time your heart beats its the same rythm of sigh, in the fear what could possibly come next? 

 in this world no matter how much they hate you, somewhere somehow you are wanted and loved and maybe even missed by someone, maybe a little less but always more than none,lets not talk about hope and positivity and strength, because deep inside your heart you know they’ll always remain words until they are felt,

they tell you there is always a hope and there is a hand which will magically come to help, let me tell you something you won’t get up until you really want to,

give yourself sometime maybe because you have forgotten that time was always yours and start again with embracing those imperfect flaws, 

you rule over you, nobody else but you get to decide who are you, the answer of that how are you does not always needs to be fine,

 because in a poem not every  word does rhym, then how would everyday be same?

it would be as boring as repeating the same level of a game,

here’s a little secret to the brave person fallen apart, whose strength and hope are scattered around, who has tangled all those relationships and bounds, whose heart is full of wounds,

I won’t tell you to get up, if you want to you can stay there  but whenvever you make up your mind just remember at the end what matters is you, if you want to you can start it all new, or fix those old mistakes with a little effort or two but just remember all that matters at the end is you! 

Dear bhai….

Dear bhai,

I know you are in that big city, where all the people are tall and pretty,

where the roads are endless,  where the tall  buildings seem to touch the sky unlike our small village with forests near by, 

I just wanted to ask, that could I  visit too ? 

books that you read and broken pencils of yours and the empty room of yours,they make me cry bhai, I hug your old t-shirt and wipe my tears, 
in this house so big where I and nana live, I feel alone like a  ghost, 

I draw, do chores, and revise those small alphabets and words you taught me then, and now I have learnt to write letters holding those broken pens, 

I wonder some days are you playing hide and seek? To seek you,  I open all those empty cupboards and look behind the door, but to my surprise now that big arms don’t come and hug me from behind, and like always where were you hidden ,I couldn’t  find. 

And the hallucination breakes, and I think of you and remembering all those memories was all my mistake,

 I look at that white sky and imagine how big would be infinity, 
I stare at these empty roads

I wander in my dreams, I wake up in middle of the night with screams, 

through the little window I measure the sky,

I wonder why you  all have locked me inside?

Why didn’t you let me go to places I always wanted to go and why didn’t you take me along with you? 

atleast you could send me to that school nearby,

I compare myself not to humans but to those birds who fly freely in the sky, 

nana said that girls are like precious gems, so we keep them  safe in the treasure,

but without you I feel like a stone fallen on road  which is kicked again and again  ,but still not broken 

my eyes  flood tears and a day seems to be like thousand years,

alone one desire I hold to go to school like others,

I hope one day you come and take me to that paradise of yours and not much I ask but please  reply to  this letter of mine, 

your memories have started hurting, I wonder why don’t you miss me?

Have you found another sweet sister like me? Do you also hug her when you come back home? But you said you loved me more than anyone, not full but a little bit of love could you give me too? 

every night nana says  you’ll never come and you’ll never reply, but this time too my hope did not die,

and not much I ask but please reply to  this letter  and remind me that I have the world’s best brother. 

❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

Hey! How are you wonderful people? 

 🍁And for those of you who don’t understand hindi- bhai means brother and nana means grandfather.

I would love to know your thoughts on this post so please comment!😊 

An Angel with Red Rose…

The black clouds were on the head, they covered the sun and marked the threat and rain of grief began,

lightning did happen, and the night came to play, the crowd rushed here &there, 

the day I lost my job, and the sky did sigh in grief,

the drops of water hurted me like thorns of hell,

my tears were covered, I was wet in pain &grief,

the shops soon got emptied, doors& windows got closed,

near the station I saw a little girl standing on the road with a red rose,

I saw her smile looking up at sky,

wet she was like me but she giggled lovingly with no worry, 

with curosity and dilemma blended in my head, I asked her where did she live,

she giggled again and said “the place where you have kept your feet, that is the ground on which I eat and sleep,”

I asked again what are you doing here in this heavy rain? 

with excitment she answered, I m seeing the magic in rain, 

What magic was it I asked her again, she replied “the drops changed their colour every now and then,”

I forgot the sorrow when she gifted me a smile,

I questioned that why was she holding a rose in the hand, she answered -I picked it up when a girl dropped it out of furstration and anger in head,

Where will you sleep tonight  I asked,

she answered “beneath the magical stars and the beautiful black sky after the magic show ends by” 

the conversation with this little genius did not last too long,

it rained and with another strike of lightning 

 she bounced and danced and dissappeared  before I knew, 

I felt the joy in the feeling of pain,

I enjoyed the newly explained magical rain,

that angel taught me great things, 

the sun sets, the hope doesn’t,

like the evening of summer,

and warmth of sun in winter,

she taught me not to chase love but be love,

I realised that like the sand in a person’s hand this life shall too pass in notime, smoothly and effortlessly no matter how tightly you hold,

a gift not asked was given to me, a ball of love, goodness dripping from her melted the long siezed heart,I wonder a stranger she was or an angel disguised as a litle girl…. 

💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟💟

Do comment on this post!😊

Now that you have read so far I just wanted to say that hey, you look awesome today!😊So smile😀

Maybe…..

Maybe the sun did always shine this bright, 

maybe  for true fairytales there exist no ends, 

maybe the days were best but my thoughts weren’t

maybe the grass was always this green,

maybe the red was always so beautiful,

maybe the winds always kissed me,

maybe all the vibes just brought love to me,

maybe I always smiled this wide,

or is it just because you were here by my side,

to show me the colours of life so bright,

I would shine through the day,

I dreamt all night,

days &nights were all full of good vibes,

a book I read twice and thrice,

I would fly in the air

and talk to the walls,

here I slip and  you would catch me there,

then why did you leave with scars so deep,

you took that smile, the stars and my sweet sleep,

the nights we exchanged thoughts, words, love,  dreams and muchmore,

whom do I explain this to,

how do I bound those in words,

memories craved in my heart give pain so deep

that it sheds tears of blood just in the memory of love,

eyes full of water but look here I stand with another fake smile,

maybe you still love me or maybe you never did,

hope to see you back, 

though I know you’ll never come,

you shine in my thoughts like the stars in the sky,

all scattered and broken but true beauty beholden by sky,

not just letters and poems  were the little pieces of love,

to name infinity  I  craved your name in sky and stars that I love,

the fragrance of you I wish I could capture in a diamond jar, to remember you in some other way when you are so far,

the roses turned black and thorns don’t hurt,

so did the heart which you did curse,

strangers I see but in face of my love for few seconds I dream and come back to the real world,

how much I miss you the infinity would describe,

and the love never ending you will always find in the sludge of my grave….. 

Home…

Home is not just a place,

nor just a shelter or a lavish luxury,

home is sometimes just a feeling,

where you treasure the ideas you believe in,

two, four or six not bricks but people create this feeling,

a place where warmth in the eye breaks the depression,

big bouncy bed, curtains &couches and the cleanest floors, don’t make the best homes,

with love where relationships are nurtured,

where values are treasured,

where tears and laughs are held together,

where good and bad times pass as you travel hand in hand,

home is not the flat you sleep in everynight,

it’s something like love at first sight; 

mesmerising and comforting, a want to be attached forever,

no it’s not the place where you keep regrets & grudges,

you might love someone, or hate a few,

but have you ever met someone who feels like home? 

—————————————————————-

Hey! I know I haven’t beenposting for a while😅, but surely I m gonna be active nowonwards👍. And that was a really lovely poem,note: The poem above was actually not written by me, it was written by my best friend😍, so please comment down below your thoughts on this &Who makes you feel like home?❤

Fly Free…

Undesigned dreams I have in millions,

cup of coffee and few books, when did these become the lifeline of this untiring journey,

the calmness on the shore of the ocean, that peace I desire, 

but what does help in this city of traffic and skyscrapers,

when excitment starts vanishing and screams and horns start killing and the   free wind is suffocating but the desire to fly is still awake,

 I realised you grow stupid as you grow old, I realised the true meanings of life in the stories those folks told,

a part of me wants to be heard, yet another part is too tired to speak,

Isn’t  happiness the ultimate gem we all desire and need? 

here one digs,  there one searches, at the end it is found within,

things change and you adjust but when people change it hurts,

the things you run behind, run away, the people you run behind also betray,

complexed life ‘s solutions aren’t explained in books, coz the ones who write those are same as millions of others, 

look within and you’ll find the cure but these fake outer admirations are unending,

you explain they won’t understand, you listen because you wanna talk,

for millions of selfish reasons and trillions of excuses, all of us are travelling in  the busyness buses,

cages of furstration and loneliness need to be broken,

but who shall awake us from the shackles of slumber that are never ending,

little quarrels and the messy routines, somewhere hidden the happiness is in between,

unexplained feelings create a heavy heart, with rivers of tears at night you and me are fallen apart,

hidden is the goodness, kindness is treasured, you hide the true gem which is the ultimate pleasure,

we ain’t that strong neither are we that rude, just bit more burried we get in the world of insanity,

saneness shall be mere a word, coz what drives us is not normal,

all the desires seem to be  the branches of the tree called happiness,

limitless hopes, improvement and growth, in the ocean of life we travel like an undirected boat,

magically if the these desires and thoughts were paused, a will to be free would awake,

there you’ll find the solution of each &every mistake,

the best of you would take arise, the worse in you would blend in air, completness and calmness would have shelter within if only you made peace with the screams within,

you forgive, you forget and do good and expect, a single day would be enough to restart it with a beautiful rise, 

a second chance to your wisely stupid mind,  to be good as you are indepth , to be real as your inbred and an aim to  undirected boat of life,

the day when the golden cages of pain &fear would be broken and you would fly free in the never ending sky in between the clouds of happiness and hopes that would never die …. 

If you are Different….

Unconqured were my feelings,

unbroken  was my soul,

to have pitty on my condition, or to hate it with your obssession,

it’s always your part,

to play it right or to tear it apart, 

To be someone, unlike everyone,is hard at times, 

Today you are fallen they will call you weak,

tommorow you will stand they will treat you like a king,

the song of silence they named it cowardness,

the power to debate, they called it the sly’s wit,

thoughts of society, catch your powers,

the number of men create a dilemma,

mediocrity is the puddle they sink in, and with such crab mentality they are here to pull you in,

in contract with the list of impossible they are assigned,look how strong are the invisible cages to which they are bind, 

they fear god, at same time they say god is love,

can you explain how can fear and love be part of one bubble ?

unanswered questions are forever ignored, 

and the ones in search of the answers are named dullard,

and the things they don’t understand, they name it true work of art,

regret and pain is all with what they are left,

busy in finding end of regrets,

in this world if one day you get lost, that will be the day when freedom will be found,

if you think it’s too late and your life is at stake,

try again it’s okay to make mistakes,

choice is yours -in puddle or  out of the pond,

where do you and I  stand in this world of limitless cages and bounds? 

if you name it good it doesn’t become one,if you call it bad it won’t change it’s inbred, 

with different eyes come different perceptions ,

with different experiences come different lessons,

to one those eyes are simply a body part, and to other they seem to be a door to soul,

one complains, another criticizes, and there will be people in favour of your  amiable  traits, 

to judge you is their right but to accept the judgement is not a complusion,

to grab a handful of lessons or fill your self with guilt and emotions, what you take from judgements depends on  your talent or assumptions, 

the path of freedom they call it the lost road,

not all judgements are accurate but a few of them need to be appreciated,

store a little, change a little,

move a little more, learn a little more,

your mistake or their fault, everything gives you a gift of experience,

carry the lessons  in your life ,accept the true perceptions 

,with  a lot of love in your heart, a boldness in your talk, and with lots of confidence in thyself  live what you dream, talk the truth you believe, be what you want to be….. 

Unending Change…

It ain’t that hard to live here, 

athough people change faces like seasons,

evil and cruelty has it’s own reasons,

changed faces, changed roads,

but haven’t you heard souls don’t change,

they are unending, 

you are just mesmerised by the charm of the body,I have touched the enduring  soul,

destinations are blurred, the roads are lost,

here I stand waiting, is this a punishment or a curse? 

I lack intentions, in need of hope,

the frozen heart waits for spring,

every tear of mine has an atom of my soul. 

The peace of soul or the undying desire,

I worship my deeds, I was an athiest

but that touch felt like the touch of god,

the touch too was lost forever, 

like the dried flower bloomed from a ray of sun, the love played it’s part and soon it vanished,

stuck in a game of revenge I am, with myself or with universe, 

the song of broken and unbroken trust I hear in loop,

being sorry for all the forgotten promises,

look here loneliness is my companion,

the half written song,

the burried secrets,

like an incomplete novel,

I crave for the end, the completeness, 

my story has become a game of cards,

rains of dreams changed with seasons,

regrets and pain  were all flown away,

somethings are designed to be loved after they are lost,

every single thing you take for granted, will surely play it’s part of revenge,

gambles of money never brought happiness,

though gambles of hearts taught inevitable lessons,

here I stay with nothing to loose,with unwillingness to gain, 
all that I understood is that

change may give pain, it’s bad enough to tear every bit of your flesh,

 leaves the body in thirst of blood,evil or angel ,

bad or good, in this world everything seems to be temporary 

but only  change lives forever…..  

❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄❄
Do comment your thoughts on this piece of writing!  And please accept my apologies if I  haven’t been connected to you for a while as this month is a busy deal, will surely catch up ASAP. Thank you so much😇 for all love &support!Much Love❤