Beep,beep!Low battery reads the message on my phone ,
and I m obliged to jump out from the world of social media and more,
as I lookout through a window ,I realise I had been sitting in a car as my elder brother drives,
Littered roads,chilly winds ,one horn over the other, every car almost about to crush the other,
Honking. Honking and more honking ,
smoke and fog occupied every bit of my site,whole city is coughing,
and my brother on my side,
labelled NRI at age of 18,a kind hearted man, aged 22 now and whom I consider to be the most eligible bachelor ,
blindly I trust his values and character,
I look at him ,the boy who loved to paint ,
not much he spoke as a kid, his smile faded away smoothly with time,
tears he had hidden as we were taught boys are not supposed to cry,
dark skinned ,bright hearted,he was not a boy rather a man now,
His dark lips and his eyes told that he had been smoking even more,
growing up aunts labelled him introverts ,which I believe he wasn’t but then he was obliged to,
questions bursting in my head one after the other,
Why is he sad?Is he on drugs?Heart -broken lover? Or a man of betrayal?Bitter from refusal?Why is he the way he is?
I wanted to escape that moment, wanted to just do anything but not think about him,his pain,his introversion, he being a potential drug addict or chainsmoker,his very possible depression and maybe his initial level mental illness,because as child he was very much like me and his eyes tell me he still is.
My pace of breath was risen, sweat dripping from my forehead and my eyes trying hard to hold the tears behind and then in a cracking voice comes out-” Bhaiya,why don’t you smile?”
Not so dramatically, he dealt with this question which I knew hit his heart hard,he turned towards me and smiled,
“Smile like the real smile, the way you used to,the way like the ‘real you’ does.”-I couldn’t control the little sister in me,
I knew like most of the adults as they grow they fade away,live by stereotypes, are mostly or very close to definition of hypocrites,get a job ,get married ,have a kid or two or as many as they like ,raise them, blame them,worry about them,love them and claim it every now and then,
and rudely he increased the speed of the car and said -“because that is what life has made me,that is how I m suppose to be”,
No.No you are not suppose to be this so called tough hearted ,man my heart shouted but I didn’t utter a word,
I know he is broken ,I know he is scared to admit,I know a tear is about to roll down his cheeks ,I know he tames and hides his feelings finely unlike me ,I know he hasn’t changed he is just being who he is supposed to be.
And as he drops me home as he wants to catch his flight back to his new so called home,
I remember five years back when he left home to pursue his life,love,goals and more he had kissed my forehead and he had cried a lot,without any shame and hugged me really tight that time,and now I watch him walkaway with just a plain goodbye,
and as he walked away I felt like I have never known or seen this man before, right in front of me in black coat ,hiding his burnt heart,smoking another cigarette , slowly merged and lost in crowd,the boy who was once known for standing out ….