To A Broken Person… 

Somedays you think of life, think of what you are ,what everything around you  is ,

 and the six coffee mugs one after the other, 

the chair of  laziness that just doesn’t let you go, you are awake till middle of the nights and you pretend to be busy but you too know you aren’t this lazy, 

 and you are angry because they aren’t   accepting  you to be crazy,

when will you realise you are running away from nobody  but yourself, 

that fifteen hour playlist that is unending, 

look into your eyes from whom are you hiding ,what exactly are you  seeking, 

you know you should be grateful, but you are too broken to be grateful ,

 you are tired and frustrated and you don’t know why you randomly get irritated, 

so high then suddenly so low where are these mood swings leading to ,

 anxiety has polluted the heart, too bored to create another work of art, 

they call it symptoms of depression and recommend you medication but no medicine has ever healed a broken heart and then you say poetry works best for you,

  you dress so well and try your best to show that you are better than the rest and then streets of approval and judgments just gets open as you walk through hallways, there are eyes staring at you with amaze and an unexplainable expression, 

you are too confused  and irritated and you stare at your watch all day long for when you’ll be home and close the doors and cry letting out all your emotions,

 cut throat competition for words of appreciation,

 and everyday the hardest question to answer becomes how are you and you lied because according to them its not okay to be not okay,

  you never knew that you are becoming a better liar as days slip through your hands,

those hands and wrist full of cuts and burns whom are you giving pain to have you forgotten? 

 Love and fame and you are bored again and you expect everyday to be different from the other but you see its all the same as you have done and known already, 

waiting for that perfect partner you forgot love is not be found it is to be felt never but now,

 you hate the rythm stuck in your head waiting for you to burn another cigarette ,

and through smoke you sigh because they’ll label you weak if you cry, 

and you have understood chemistry well enough to know that alcohol is  a solution,  

look your heart is house of fears ,your dreams and excitement all got burried in your body which seems to be grave to a sassy you of yesterday ,

you still are the bravest person on earth until its night and truth unleashes, 

ask for life but not acceptence screams your heart,

you wish you could explain how broken you are at heart ,no you dont need words of sympathy because amazingly its all fake coz it seems like there exists no empathy,

 some nights after crying you experience an emotion that’s the true pleasure to your broken heart,

and you wake up and cycle repeats, its like an endless well you fell into and it gets darker and darker as it gets deeper and deeper,

if your feelings could be written into a book, you would bet it would be a bestseller, because you know people love to laugh at others sorrow or maybe it gives them peace to see reflection of their own, 

you sit with the blades on some nights and wonder if death was better than life and you make another cut which brings you in middle of death and life,and this is what you call your night life, 

and one fine morning that doesn’t come so often you wake up with determination and try to fix the problem, but then you realise that you have no idea what is exactly the problem,

emptiness, loneliness, depression or sadness, you have googled a zillion times to come out of it and  to know what’s the actual problem ,

you are tired of guessing -meditation, books,  diet, friends or yoga what might be the solution? 

it seems you are sinking into a deep blue sea even when you know how to swim, you are still sinking , you are breathless and restless and still in silence, and you sink and you sink and you wait for the moment you’ll take your last breath,

and when someone says you aren’t sad and questions your broken state, you could debate like the highest of lawyers to protect that what causes you suffering,   but silence is your answer, 

overwork is your escape and often it prevents you from making those selfhate mistakes,

its like a phase and you know it will pass,

but you wonder where those dreams to run to the moon flew away, to be that buisness tycoon disappeard,

you wish you could tell your story so you write some poetry but as you write your tears drip and fall on paper and its all messed up and wet and you have some pieces of art under your bed, and under those ashtrays and many other places but they are never read,

it seems you have fallen and gotten up and tried too many times, and somedays I wonder how can a person be as brave as you are and you survive through everyday,

so until these dark clouds pass as you know they will, countinue with courage and that nerve of steel, and you know that  someday sun will rise  and you know it will be as good as magic and it will happen coz they say magic happens to those who believe,

even if you know you have a very less hope to be saved remember death can never be a solution ,  keep guessing what is the solution and keep on trying but still smile sometimes until its all done,  because you know there’s a kind of beauty even in pain and pleasure could never serve you as well as pain …. 


I had dressed to decieve but…. 

Look here I wiped my tears, I woke up again from hate and despair,

I decided to dress to decieve ,  so that I don’t reveal the pain and greif, 

I showered with the scent of jasmine, I wiped myself with the cream,

I attired myself in the full sleeve dress so the beauty of cuts I made on my wrist and the lines made on my soft skin from that sharp knife don’t get revealed,

I put the mascara to hide those puffed eyes, which are desperate to tell that I cried all night,

I thought of how I am  gonna do my hair, which reminded me of those rough hands which played with my hair ,

I wish I could take a time machine and live that moment again and so I did, I bit my lips again to stop my tears  and I rushed down the stairs to seek my time machine, I opened the cupboard and sat by the sofa with that big album, my time machine,

I saw you smiling at the very first page and for the zillionth time my heart broke in grief,

you captured my heart which was a fire and kind of art but you droped it so hard that my whole world was burnt,

I remembered I was covering myself with a coat of “Im okay” and I headed to the dressing table, 

I stared at the mirror, like you my eyes also fascinate me somedays, when I look deep into them I see my whole world and amazingly all I see is you, 

I caked on the makeup and rushed towards the kitchen and I poured the wine in the glass and I felt  like I had lost my last breath with the just a glass, 

it looked like the sky was in pain too,  when I saw the black clouds covering the sun’s face,

the forecast was wrong and the strom of grief  was about to come, I wish I had doubted not the forecast but also you and promises you made randomly out of the blue,

I stepped out of the house and same as all the days I wore a fake smile on my face and it begun to rain and I was cleansed from bottom to the top and to the greatest depths of my heart, and corpse in my body then got burnt, 

my emotions went numb and I was scattered into infinite pieces like never before, my broken pieces got revealed, the heart so stabbed was freezed as hard as steel, 

I wish that we would have never met, I wish the destiny should have not knit this story of threat I got the love I always wished for, I wish I had wished for it to last, 

but then I smiled in pain , I was happy not because I was betrayed because before the betrayal I  was loved, I loved the most beautiful lie, the most attractive illusion the destiny had presented infront of me,

I loved from all my heart, I gave it all I had and   I loved like the fire in stars no matter how beautiful it looks you’ll never be worthy of touching it, I felt like the storm trapped in  a rain drop and so I cried out my heart, 

from head to toe  I felt so healed,silence was my loudest scream,   I felt its okay to cry sometimes, doesn’t the sky do the same and we call it rain,

You see I had dressed to decieve the world so well,  but the rain revealed me and this is me for forever, beautiful and healed .

I won’t tell you to get up…

Somewhere maybe I m still with you,

I know you don’t realize, the words that criticize will disappear,

I know you don’t have arms you can run into and cry out all the pain,

I know you crave for a hug that comforts all the pain ,

I know you close the doors and weep, so loud you scream in your head, it aches in each bit of your flesh,

I know you have been strong for long and pretended to be happy since forever,

and once more like everyone says I won’t tell you to get up quickly again when you fall,

I suggest you to stay there, feel the pain, accept it coz not everything will  always be alright, coz the life needs to get divided into day and night, 

I know long you have fought and again and again you were hurt, your heart was burnt but still you survived, for this reason give some place to  pride,

let tears flow down through those cheeks, whose dimples made me think of world’s sweetest things,

scream when alone, cry it out coz when tears get revealed they’ll laugh with a feel of  excite,

I won’t tell you to smile back and that someday it will be okay, coz honesty I don’t know when is that day,

just stay there fallen until your tears dry and the morning gives you strength to awake and walk again with courage knowing that you’ll fall again,

I know that your  heart was not broken it was burnt, but trust me someday you’ll know the value of the lessons you have learnt,

I know I m not there to hold your hand and pull you up and hug you tight and lie to you that its gonna be alright,

you have no idea what is the power of your smile, but just look into the mirror when your eyes are full of tears and then  show  some courage and smile you’ll know the reason why I tell that your smile can end the wars and convert stone of sadness into happinness like gold,

suffocation in the emptiness of air, loneliness in grief and despair, these are darker shades of life I know you had never seen,

you get up and you fall, and again it repeats and repeats and every time your heart beats its the same rythm of sigh, in the fear what could possibly come next? 

 in this world no matter how much they hate you, somewhere somehow you are wanted and loved and maybe even missed by someone, maybe a little less but always more than none,lets not talk about hope and positivity and strength, because deep inside your heart you know they’ll always remain words until they are felt,

they tell you there is always a hope and there is a hand which will magically come to help, let me tell you something you won’t get up until you really want to,

give yourself sometime maybe because you have forgotten that time was always yours and start again with embracing those imperfect flaws, 

you rule over you, nobody else but you get to decide who are you, the answer of that how are you does not always needs to be fine,

 because in a poem not every  word does rhym, then how would everyday be same?

it would be as boring as repeating the same level of a game,

here’s a little secret to the brave person fallen apart, whose strength and hope are scattered around, who has tangled all those relationships and bounds, whose heart is full of wounds,

I won’t tell you to get up, if you want to you can stay there  but whenvever you make up your mind just remember at the end what matters is you, if you want to you can start it all new, or fix those old mistakes with a little effort or two but just remember all that matters at the end is you!